I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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