guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
