Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your penis caused this!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
