I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
