Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's great music for shaving your balls
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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