I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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