How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
