he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
