I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
