the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
