so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
