I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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