Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
