I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize