I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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