i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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