I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
why is half of my head shaved?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
