Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
