everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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