i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
