as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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