You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
