Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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