Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
