I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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