Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
