We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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