What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
