I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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