dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
