note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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