There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
