We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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