census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
