I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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