my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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