My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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