Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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