so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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