I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
