legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
