every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
