She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
