i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
