He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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