I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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