We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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