it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
