ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
