Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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