if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this just has baby written all over it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
