all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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