I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
