a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
