i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Best friends brother. Beat that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
