Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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