Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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