well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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