Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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