I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
