I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
