So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
