It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
