You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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