i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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